my mind…my heart

yep, i did that, i had to…from whom? from myself (more or less)…doesn’t make sense huh?

fear had me doing that–i was afraid that the consequence of losing somebody so dear would be too much too bear, if i will not do anything to control what was usually thought as uncontrollable.

so here i am now, moving forward, glad that i was able to get through the nights of almost-endless tears, after a day of tough fighting…unsure of what is to come yet assured that though what lies ahead is still unknown, God will carry me through, as always…

INFP
type description by D.Keirsey

Healer Idealists
are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in striving for their ends, and
informative and introverted in their interpersonal relations. Healer present a
seemingly tranquil, and noticiably pleasant face to the world, and though to
all appearances they might seem reserved, and even shy, on the inside they are
anything but reserved, having a capacity for caring not always found in other
types. They care deeply-indeed, passionately-about a few special persons or a
favorite cause, and their fervent aim is to bring peace and integrity to their
loved ones and the world.

Healers have a profound sense of idealism derived from a
strong personal morality, and they conceive of the world as an ethical,
honorable place. Indeed, to understand Healers, we must understand their
idealism as almost boundless and selfless, inspiring them to make extraordinary
sacrifices for someone or something they believe in. The Healer is the Prince
or Princess of fairytale, the King’s Champion or Defender of the Faith, like
Sir Galahad or Joan of Arc. Healers are found in only 1 percent of the general
population, although, at times, their idealism leaves them feeling even more
isolated from the rest of humanity.

Healers seek unity in their lives, unity of body and
mind, emotions and intellect, perhaps because they are likely to have a sense
of inner division threaded through their lives, which comes from their often
unhappy childhood. Healers live a fantasy-filled childhood, which,
unfortunately, is discouraged or even punished by many parents. In a
practical-minded family, required by their parents to be sociable and
industrious in concrete ways, and also given down-to-earth siblings who conform
to these parental expectations, Healers come to see themselves as ugly
ducklings. Other types usually shrug off parental expectations that do not fit
them, but not the Healers. Wishing to please their parents and siblings, but
not knowing quite how to do it, they try to hide their differences, believing
they are bad to be so fanciful, so unlike their more solid brothers and
sisters. They wonder, some of them for the rest of their lives, whether they
are OK. They are quite OK, just different from the rest of their family-swans
reared in a family of ducks. Even so, to realize and really believe this is not
easy for them. Deeply committed to the positive and the good, yet taught to
believe there is evil in them, Healers can come to develop a certain
fascination with the problem of good and evil, sacred and profane. Healers are
drawn toward purity, but can become engrossed with the profane, continuously on
the lookout for the wickedness that lurks within them. Then, when Healers
believe thay have yielded to an impure temptation, they may be given to acts of
self-sacrifice in atonement. Others seldom detect this inner turmoil, however,
for the struggle between good and evil is within the Healer, who does not feel
compelled to make the issue public.

Full descriptions of the Healer and Idealists are in People Patterns or Please Understand Me II

Princess Diana
is an example of a Healer Idealist.

Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
by Joe Butt

Profile: INFP
Revision: 3.0
Date of Revision:

26 Feb 2005

"I remember the first albatross I ever
saw. … At intervals, it arched forth its vast archangel wings, as if to
embrace some holy ark. Wondrous flutterings and throbbings shook it. Though
bodily unharmed, it uttered cries, as some king’s ghost in super natural
distress. Through its inexpressible, strange eyes, methought I peeped to
secrets not below the heavens. As Abraham before the angels, I bowed
myself…" –(Herman Melville, Moby Dick)

INFPs never seem to lose their sense of wonder. One might
say they see life through rose-colored glasses. It’s as though they live at the
edge of a looking-glass world where mundane objects come to life, where flora
and fauna take on near-human qualities.

INFP children often exhibit this in a ‘Calvin and Hobbes’
fashion, switching from reality to fantasy and back again. With few exceptions,
it is the NF child who readily develops imaginary playmates (as with Anne of
Green Gables’s "bookcase girlfriend"–her own reflection) and whose
stuffed animals come to life like the Velveteen Rabbit and the Skin Horse:

"…Generally, by the time you are
Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get
loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all,
because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t
understand…" (the Skin Horse)

INFPs have the ability to see good in almost anyone or
anything. Even for the most unlovable the INFP is wont to have pity.

Rest you, my enemy,
Slain without fault,
Life smacks but tastelessly
Lacking your salt!
Stuck in a bog whence naught
May catapult me,
Come from the grave, long-sought,
Come and insult me!
–(Steven Vincent Benet, Elegy for an Enemy)

Their extreme depth of feeling is often hidden, even from
themselves, until circumstances evoke an impassioned response:

"I say, Queequeg! Why don’t you speak?
It’s I–Ishmael." But all remained still as before. … Something must
have happened. Apoplexy!
… And running up after me, she caught me as I was again trying to force open
the door. … "Have to burst it open," said I, and was running down
the entry a little, for a good start, when the landlady caught me, again vowing
I should not break down her premises; but I tore from her, and with a sudden
bodily rush dashed myself full against the mark.–(Melville, Moby Dick)

Of course, not all of life is rosy, and INFPs are not
exempt from the same disappointments and frustrations common to humanity. As
INTPs tend to have a sense of failed competence, INFPs struggle with the issue
of their own ethical perfection, e.g., perfo rmance of duty for the greater
cause. An INFP friend describes the inner conflict as not good versus bad, but
on a grand scale, Good vs. Evil. Luke Skywalker in Star Wars
depicts this conflict in his struggle between the two sides of "The
Force." Although the dark side must be reckoned with, the INFP believes
that good ultimately triumphs.

Some INFPs have a gift for taking technical information and
putting it into layman’s terms. Brendan Kehoe’s Zen and the Art of the
Internet is one example of this "de-jargoning" talent in action.

Functional
Analysis:

Introverted Feeling

INFPs live primarily in a rich inner world of introverted
Feeling. Being inward-turning, the natural attraction is away from world and
toward essence and ideal. This introversion of dominant Feeling, receiving its
data from extraverted intuition, must be the source of the quixotic nature of
these usually gentle beings. Feeling is caught in the approach- avoidance bind
between concern both for people and for All Creatures Great and Small, and a
psycho-magnetic repulsion from the same. The "object," be it homo
sapiens or a mere representation of an organism, is valued only to the
degree that the object contains some measure of the inner Essence or greater
Good. Doing a good deed, for example, may provide intrinsic satisfaction which
is only secondary to the greater good of striking a blow against Man’s
Inhumanity to Mankind.

Extraverted iNtuition

Extraverted intuition faces outward, greeting the world on
behalf of Feeling. What the observer usually sees is creativity with implied
good will. Intuition spawns this type’s philosophical bent and strengthens
pattern perception. It combines as auxiliary with introverted Feeling and gives
rise to unusual skill in both character development and fluency with
language–a sound basis for the development of literary facility. If INTPs
aspire to word mechanics, INFPs would be verbal artists.

Introverted Sensing

Sensing is introverted and often invisible. This stealth
function in the third position gives INFPs a natural inclination toward absent-
mindedness and other-worldliness, however, Feeling’s strong people awareness
provides a balancing, mitigating effect. This introverted Sensing is somewhat
categorical, a subdued version of SJ sensing. In the third position, however,
it is easily overridden by the stronger functions.

Extraverted Thinking

The INFP may turn to inferior extraverted Thinking for help
in focusing on externals and for closure. INFPs can even masquerade in their
ESTJ business suit, but not without expending considerable energy. The
inferior, problematic nature of Extraverted Thinking is its lack of context and
proportion. Single impersonal facts may loom large or attain higher priority
than more salient principles which are all but overlooked.

Famous INFPs:

Homer
Virgil
Mary, mother of Jesus
St. John, the beloved disciple
St. Luke; physician, disciple, author
William Shakespeare, bard of Avon
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (Evangeline)
A. A. Milne (Winnie the Pooh)
Laura Ingalls Wilder (Little House on the Prairie)
Helen Keller, deaf and blind author
Carl Rogers, reflective psychologist, counselor
Fred Rogers (Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood)
Dick Clark (American Bandstand)
Donna Reed, actor (It’s a Wonderful Life)
Jacqueline Kennedy Onasis
Neil Diamond, vocalist
Tom Brokaw, news anchor
James Herriot (All Creatures Great and Small)
Annie Dillard (Pilgrim at Tinker Creek)
James Taylor, vocalist
Julia Roberts, actor (Conspiracy Theory, Pretty Woman)
Scott Bakula (Quantum Leap)
Terri Gross (PBS’s "Fresh Air")
Amy Tan (author of The Joy-Luck Club, The Kitchen God’s Wife)
John F. Kennedy, Jr.
Lisa Kudrow ("Phoebe" of Friends)
Fred Savage ("The Wonder Years")

Fictional INFPs:

Anne (Anne of Green Gables)
Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)
Deanna Troi (Star Trek - The Next Generation)
Wesley Crusher (Star Trek - The Next Generation)
Doctor Julian Bashir (Star Trek: Deep Space 9)
Bastian (The Neverending Story)
E.T.: the ExtraTerrestrial
Doug Funny, Doug cartoons
Tommy, Rug Rats cartoons
Rocko, Rocko’s Modern Life cartoons

i am supposed to be sleeping now but i cant help but give in to the urge of slipping a few words out of my foggy brain…i was studying…had to run here so i can read and prepare for my lecture tomorrow. my materials are unfortunately stored in my PC and so i had to open my system unit once again, so i can bring my hardisk with me. our electric current drives my crazy! well, whatever…good thing i have a place to run to when i am in dire need.

2007 huh? it brought to me an unexpected start coz we had to once again celebrate its beginning here…good and unforgettable memories, ones that i will never forget. (one week and my sister misses this place already). all the laughter, the warmth and love; the belting (i mean singing hehehe), cooking, eating, movie-watching, sleeping, cleaning and chatting sessions brought us joy. there are so much to look back to, so much that will never fail to touch the heart when remembered, so much that i cannot put it all into words…

i can only close my eyes, and smile, and sigh…