my mind…my heart

Frightened of the prospect that I just might fall again, I am now hiding literally and figuratively; trying to maintain a safe distance from a cliff that I have managed to cross, so many years ago…leaving behind in the awning gap, a feeling so sweet yet a burden so heavily felt

Ever so glad that though the cliff has been crossed, the mountain scaled; the bond that was once thought to be fragile has proven to be steadfast and strong, firm despite that sudden gust of the fiercely blowing wind, a bond that I so treasure and will forever keep

Admitting that though falling again would really be nice, it would also be a complexity that I don’t think I would be able to deal with, scared that the bond that has stood through the test of time might be sacrificed and things might change just because I allowed myself to fall and that my falling might be unwelcome

Remembering all that I had been through; all the joys that came along with giving up and becoming contented with what I can only have, knowing that it is one of the best things that not everyone has had the opportunity to enjoy; looking at the cliff, holding on tightly to the bond which is the only anchor that I have–so I won’t end up in the bottom of the cliff again and worse yet, alone…

My heart was beating fast; I was frantically trying to help a person who seemed to be unconscious in the shore. I know that I could not afford to think only of my own safety knowing that someone is in grave danger.

“Sir?!” no response…

“Oh no, I do not have much time left!” I said to myself and mumbled a quick prayer of supplication…

“Lord make him wake up…wake him up please…” the whole while, doing everything that I can to make the guy regain his consciousness.

“Where am I? “ these three simple words has never been so sweet to the ears until now

“We don’t have much time for questions as of the moment sir; we’ve got to get out of here before it’s too late!” Then I heard a terrible roaring sound that caused me to look behind while we were heading farther from the shore…

“Oh God save us!”

The sight that met my eyes made me feel as if my esophagus was clogged, I forgot to take in air for a time — I saw a gigantic wave forming behind us and I was pretty sure it would engulf us. It can easily sweep us along with the horrendous maelstrom it created.

I was for a moment frozen; my heart was drumming painfully; my mind feverishly calculating the odds of us being able to run to safety.

…”so slim”…yet I decided to give it my best, to at least try to beat the odds, the person with me serving as my motivation to keep on moving despite the paralyzing fear.

“There must be a shelter somewhere, there must be…I must find one!” I thought…and then the horrifying rushing and crushing sound…

I woke up with a start, frightened yet glad because everything, as I quickly realized, was just a dream.

“Thank God!” I mumbled in great relief…

*told yah twas juz a dream, don’t say i didn’t warn yah, coz ah did ; p

just got up…i am sure my bestfriend had a hard time waking me up. why was i able to say that?  well because i have proof. he did not succeed in waking me up "for good" (if you know what i mean) hehehe. why did i sleep in the first place? oh,  just because…(*wink*) okay, okay…im gonna tell you why ; ) coz’ i’m tired (hahaha expecting somethng else?). have been sleeping late lately and we two had to go down to iligan yesterday, after our sunday worship service, because of our AutoCAD lessons (you guys gotta try it, it’s cool!). we walked a little, ate a little, shopped a little and talked a lot. we got back here at around 7 but i was not able to head straight home because i had to meet one of my "berks" so i can share to him the buko juice that my bestfriend gave coz’ we both need it (kidney prob? nah, hope not, but better safe than sorry right?). then i saw another one of my "berks" and we decided to eat dinner at our favorite kamayan resto. on our way there, we bumped into 2 of my younger sibs, which resulted to the 5 of us eating dinner together–we had a candle-lit dinner. now why in the world am i here? simple, because of the blasted power interruptions that causes me problems because i am currently trying to beat a deadline (which is by the way today) for our department’s curriculum revision, which has taken so long you’d think we are revising the curriculums of all the courses offered in this university : \ i got here at around 8 pm last night, was given clear instructions to consume a big disposable cup full of buko pandan, divested myself out ot my travel clothes and washed so i can wear my favorite get up (baggy shirt and shorts), gave my bestfriend explicit instructions to wake me up after they are done with their scheduled game (DOTA…haven’t been able to play even a single game of that for a long time now, i will, soon…), and slept–ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ–he woke me up at around 11 and i did wake up but i slept again. he tried to wake me up again for the second and the third time and i woke up, enough to activate my phone’s alarm and (drumrolls)…you’re right, i slept again hehehehehe. He woke me up again for the fourth time and of course i woke up (i am a good girl after all…no one dare disagree!), i talked to him a little and then i slept again. he gave up and slept (the poor guy). i eventually woke up, unaided, went outside to brush my teeth and got a little worried coz’ i found out that my bestfriend’s mom is till awake, curled up in their sofa because of the cold, without a blanket because my bestfriend’s younger sib, who happens to be a good cook and is *@#& good looking too (like the rest of the "brotherhood") cannot take his eyes off the TV screen long enough to do that–can’t say i can blame him. they are after all watching smallville which is too good for someone too pass, even for some short seconds. he eventually did it though, sweet of him, and once again "glued" his eyes on the screen. i have yet to watch that…now let’s get on with my narration–after brushing my teeth, i got back here in the room, faced the PC and started clicking the keyboard keys ; ) i’m gonna get back to work after this.

[oh my! my eyes widened in alarm just now...you see i might have sleep talked. i recall uttering the words "in JESUS name" and i am sure i explained something to my besfriend, as to what i do not know. my fear is that the explanation might not be plausible, worse yet funny...hmmmm...oh well, never mind. i'll have to wait till he is awake so i can ask him. right now, what i have in mind is ending this so i can get back to work coz' i have a class at 7:30 today.]

i have been silent for so long a time now, not because i have stopped writing but because i have been so busy i do not have time to post it. i have it all in my PC, unfortunately i was not able to copy it in a removable disk so i do not have it with me now. it will have to wait until later…

i have to be quick with this coz i still have a task to get back to ; ) i just felt like i needed to unload some of my thoughts before i can get on with what i am doing. i am chatting with a friend right now and our topic reminded me of the things that i had to keep in one corner of my mind so i can focus.

a few minutes more…it will not be too long now and another day will once again begin.
so what is in store for me today? –blank– i cannot even hazard a wild guess coz my days has been so full of surprises lately. one step at a time, i am and should be taking it one step at a time, only then will i be able to get along with all that is happening in my life–work, responsibilities, problems, decisions to make, choices that i have to stand up to and more…
let’s look at the brighter side though–family; the exhilirating feeling of seeing them doing good and the humbling feeling of being able to help them, the inspiring feeling of being loved; true friends and friendships to norture, seeing a very dear friend sacrifice so much just to be able to stay and keep the friendship despite the pain and the fact that more has been said and is desired, yet knowing that it has to be set aside and my stand has to be respected (thanks gang, thank you so much…it is all in God’s hands), the wonderful memories of a friend so loved whose courage i so admire (she will be in cavite in less than 24 hours, hopefully for good, may her heart’s desire be finally fulfilled) and whose life has so touched mine, a (best)friend who is always ready to lend a helping hand (whose PC i am using now hehehe), who is my listening ear and who told me to correct my sleeping habits (i know, something that i am not doing now sowee po…peace), my friends who are so far yet are so held close in my heart (you know who you are…because of you, my short stay in luzon will always be special), and a friend’s family who loves me so much it makes me want to cry just thinking about it; and most of all, all the answered prayers and GOD who has been so good and will always be. there is so much beauty in this life that God gave…